Hello, Stranger: Small Acts to Reconnect in a Disconnected World
There’s a gap growing in our world—a gap that’s been around for some time but feels more noticeable than ever. Recently, I’ve stepped back out, trying something simple: saying “hi” to a stranger, making eye contact, or just being fully present with others. What I found is a sense of disconnection everywhere: in our neighborhoods, our grocery stores, our gyms, and pretty much any place people gather. It’s like everyone’s acting as if no one else is around.
The Disconnect in Our Own Backyards
For example, my wife and I live in a small, wonderful apartment complex. We’ve been there a while, and yet most people don’t even acknowledge each other. When we do say “hi,” it often seems to catch people off guard, almost as if they’re afraid. Some people have responded warmly and are now part of our lives in small ways. Others, though, stick to themselves or even act as if we don’t exist, despite us introducing ourselves.
To give a bit more context, I took some time away from socializing recently, for about three years. I needed that space to focus on healing, accepting things in my life, and preparing myself for a better future with my wife. But before that, I was far from an introvert. I was someone who loved to say hello, get to know people, and make connections. So, coming back out and finding an even wider gap in connection was shocking. My goal wasn’t to make deep friendships with everyone I met—just simple, friendly connections to acknowledge that we’re all here, alive, and sharing this world. It’s these small acts of connection that can make all the difference.
Learn Their Name!
One of the best ways to create a meaningful connection is to learn someone’s name. I’ve made this a personal mission, whether at the grocery store, the gym, or anywhere else. For instance, when I recently joined a new gym, I learned the names of everyone working at the front desk. Instead of just checking in and moving along, I take a moment to greet each person by name. Knowing someone’s name shows that they’re more than just a “Jane Doe” or “John Smith”—it says they matter.
I’m not saying you need to know everyone’s life story, but learning someone’s name is an easy way to acknowledge them. Too often, we rush through our errands, glued to our phones or packing our bags without a glance at the person helping us. Did you thank them? Did you ask their name? Did you recognize that they’re a person, too? These small gestures can have a big impact. Next time you’re at the grocery store, take a moment to ask the cashier’s name. If you see the same person every day at the gym, introduce yourself. You don’t have to become best friends, but acknowledging someone else is a small step toward breaking down this gap.
Learning someone’s name can mean a lot to them. I can’t tell you how often I’ve asked someone’s name and watched their face light up, simply because someone cared enough to ask. So slow down, ask people for their names, and don’t be afraid to introduce yourself.
The Phone!
This might seem ironic to some, but I don’t own a smartphone. My wife and I use “light phones”—basic phones that allow us to call and text without the constant buzz of apps and social media. This choice has made it clear to me just how deep we’ve all fallen into the habit of looking at screens instead of the people around us.
Just the other day, I watched a man standing in line at a coffee shop, scrolling through his phone for minutes without even looking up. When he reached the counter to order, his focus was still on his phone, not the person in front of him. It’s almost as if phones have become everyone’s constant companions, filling in for real connection. I even spoke with a waiter who admitted that he scrolls his phone next to his girlfriend for hours, ignoring her while they’re together. This kind of behavior has become all too common.
Our phones are powerful, and they can easily become a barrier to connection if we let them. The habit of reaching for your phone when you’re alone or in an awkward moment can stop a potential conversation before it even starts. If you start creating boundaries with your phone, you’ll be amazed by the world that opens up. Phones can be addictive, and while it may not seem as dangerous as a drug, the pull of that dopamine hit is very real.
Let’s Not Destroy the Third Place
A “third place” is a concept coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg to describe social spaces where people gather and interact outside of home and work. These places—like coffee shops, gyms, and parks—are essential for building community and fostering engagement. But they’re losing their magic. Instead of a place for people to come together, they’re becoming spots where people sit alone, glued to their screens.
When I joined a new gym, I was hoping it would become one of these third places. I’ve been part of gyms in the past where people said hello, introduced themselves, and created a sense of community. In this new gym, however, I mostly see people staring at their phones or sticking to themselves. It feels less like a social place and more like a room full of strangers.
So, I’ve taken it upon myself to be the change I want to see. I try to greet people, learn names, and make a few connections. It might sound corny, but third places are worth protecting. They should be spaces where people feel seen and connected, not just spots where people gather physically but remain isolated emotionally. I encourage you to try the same. Take a moment to acknowledge the people around you, say hello, learn a name, and put the phone down. It really will be okay.
Conclusion: Small Steps, Big Difference
In a world where screens have taken over so much of our attention, taking small steps to connect can make a big difference. Learning a name, looking up from our phones, and creating friendly interactions in shared spaces are simple but meaningful ways to build connections. So, next time you’re out, look up, say hi, and engage with the people around you. Let’s bridge the gap, one genuine interaction at a time.
